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Alarm clocks just keep ringing.

As I continue to brainstorm and dream about what my next steps might look like in the creative department, perhaps I will just write some of these blogs occasionally to try to keep the rust at bay.  (Could I do three a week? Or is that too ambitious?) They still lack the marketing which my podcast lacks, but they are much easier to write and edit, and they can serve the same purpose of getting the songs out there. -------- Recently I have been listening back through all of my podcasts, and I think I have succeeded at making a bingeable thing, the episodes flow nicely, although you do get tired of me telling you all of the ways to support the show at the end of each episode. -------- One episode really stood out to me recently. It's the episode featuring my alarm clock song and ringtone song. They are both awesome!  It is episode 72 of Hold That Note on your favorite podcast app (please subscribe in case I ever do restart the show) ...or just listen to it here:  https://youtu.be/qrn
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Assurance of Salvation and Avalon

I've had a hard summer but in many ways it has also been full of joy. I got a puppy... she is amazing. Right now she is napping, so I have time to write.   Having experienced another episode of the ultimate high, a manic episode leading to a week in the psych ward, and having experienced erratic highs and lows in the months following that hospitalization, I have come to see that everything in life is temporal, and our attitudes about our life situations are much more important than the situations themselves. I have recommitted to team Jesus, and along with that, changed my personal name. If you know me personally, you'll know that already. -----------------------------  I find that life is a lot like a giant game of 'Avalon The Resistance' (go ahead and buy it if you enjoy this post).  In Avalon you are given a secret identity. The Red Team knows who else is on the Red Team, but the Blue Team is in the dark as to everyone's identities.  The Red Team tries to confuse
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15: Pivot... maybe?

Wellbeing is realized by small steps, but it is no small thing.  -Zeno, founder of Stoicism As I soak in the beauty out here at our cabin (listen to last week's podcast for a song partially inspired by said beauty) I find it almost silly that I was having such a hard time existing last week.  If and when I take a step back, it becomes clear that my tasks are utterly trivial.  But maybe that trivial nature is part of the source of my despair.  I long to make a splash, but instead I make drops in dear Liza's leaky bucket.  I have to zoom out to remember that 'nothing is lost on the breath of God,' meaning those water droplets out of her bucket are going somewhere... watering some earth I may never know about... growing something. I'm thinking again about pivoting... the podcast really isn't growing/working.  Perhaps I could make an episode every time I finish a new song... part of my problem historically has been that I always want to move on to the next thing...
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14: Struggle

Well, it looks like I'm not going to get a podcast done this week (slight chance I'll be wrong about that)... Maybe I can at least do a blog post...  It's a Thursday afternoon... I did a couple of productive things this morning (therapy and life coaching), but since lunch time I've stalled.  I've been so depressed on-and-off recently that I get paralyzed just expecting the negative thoughts to come back.   I said this in last week's podcast, but in case you don't listen regularly... I'm finally considering ECT (electro-convulsive therapy... aka shock therapy).  There's some stigma around it, but the idea is really a good one... They're creating a seizure in your brain... using it like a reset button... like restarting your computer when it gets sluggish.  I've thought for years that a brain reset is what I need.  Seems that is what I'm trying to do with all the hypersomnia... if I could just sleep long enough, maybe I'd wake up cured.
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13: "Niko's Song" Lyrics

 My brother has invited me to play some of my Christian songs at an event for Virginia Mennonite Conference on Saturday, May 4th (details to follow).  This gig will be the first time ever that I'm trying to have a backing band (The Thunderstorm Warnings).  It is still unclear who all will be playing.  I have a couple weeks to invite people and practice a bit.  More details on that later, but for now, here are the lyrics to one of the songs we might play.  I wrote it when my sister was pregnant with her first child (my first nephew, Jeremi... who is now 10)... the fun thing was that their in-utero name for Jeremi was 'Niko,' and coincidentally, while she was in labor on a Sunday, the passage we read at Church was the story of Nicodemus and Jesus' conversation about being born again...  So, I wrote this song: Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I consecrated you. x2 It was just a normal day when Nicodemus came to visit Jesus. He came at nig
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12: Arthur Ashe's Action Plan

Here... as I sit in the back of the car on our way to Ohio (chasing the eclipse)..  I decided to type up an old song which had slipped through the cracks... enjoy... Arthur Ashes Action Plan Do you want to know how to do anything at all? Take it from a man who could smash a tennis ball His name was Arthur Ashe,  and he said: Chorus Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can     That’s Arthur Ashe’s Action Plan.    x2 Do you want to be a doctor, helping people’s health, Do you want be a banker, wielding people’s wealth Do you want to know how to be anything at all? The key is to start small.   chorus Do you want to be known for a skill you’ve yet to learn? Is there some amount of money that you’d like to earn? If you’d like to earn yourself a spot upon the team, This is how you make reality out of those dreams. chorus Chorus acapella
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11: Partly Sunny

11: Partly Sunny... Today the weather folks are optimists... it could just as easily be partly cloudy... they would mean exactly the same thing.  I haven't even been outside yet today.  I'm hoping to catch a walk with a friend here in a few minutes, but for now, I'll get some keystrokes in.  My life currently is Partly Cloudy... it wouldn't take much to transition it to Partly Sunny, and then not much more would be required to make it just plain Sunny.  I have plenty of things to be grateful for, and indeed I feel I turned a corner after taking my friend's advice and restarting a gratitude journal.  He suggested 3-5 things every night, but I've been doing at least 3 lines every night... unless I forget.  I also printed out Zig Ziglar's motivational card to read to myself morning and evening, but it's a little long, so I've only gotten through it once. I recommend taking a few minutes to listen to Episode 113 of Hold That Note.  It features my comedy
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