Assurance of Salvation and Avalon

I've had a hard summer but in many ways it has also been full of joy. I got a puppy... she is amazing. Right now she is napping, so I have time to write.  
Having experienced another episode of the ultimate high, a manic episode leading to a week in the psych ward, and having experienced erratic highs and lows in the months following that hospitalization, I have come to see that everything in life is temporal, and our attitudes about our life situations are much more important than the situations themselves.
I have recommitted to team Jesus, and along with that, changed my personal name. If you know me personally, you'll know that already.
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 I find that life is a lot like a giant game of 'Avalon The Resistance' (go ahead and buy it if you enjoy this post).  In Avalon you are given a secret identity. The Red Team knows who else is on the Red Team, but the Blue Team is in the dark as to everyone's identities.  The Red Team tries to confuse the blue team about who is on their team, and the blue team simply tries to do the right thing. Hilarity ensues (and some fiery competition).  This game ends up being a lot like the drama 'The Crucible' by Arthur Miller, in which people who think they are the good guys end up killing a bunch of people for being witches, (which they obviously aren't). 
Now that I am back on team Jesus, I think a lot about Jesus's accusation to the Pharisees in Matthew 23:15 saying:
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are."
Obviously the Pharisees thought they were on the good team, but Jesus thought otherwise... So what can we take from this? I believe we need to do what one of my positive affirmation cards says: DISCERN AND DO YOUR BEST.  Take the next step... you can only go as far as you can see, but the closer you move the farther the far is. 
So I guess in conclusion, I don't really believe in assurance of salvation. I do believe you can become assured of which team you are on, but not really whether your team is the Pharisees or the true disciples. Just do your best.  (However... "Many will say to me 'Lord, Lord... ... ... Depart from me you evildoers.'” ...But after saying all that, perhaps Rob Bell is right and Love Wins)

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